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Hello HPG readers old and new, and welcome to the inner reaches of my brain. Welcome to the hive mind!

I’m sure this isn’t news to any of you who read sites like HotPinkGeek regularly, but I spend a good portion of my time ‘researching’ the most ridiculous things on the internet and sharing them with those who will listen (and a few who really won’t).

Over the next few days I’ll be sharing with you my favourite lists of 2009 — websites, crazy people, whoa-worthy videos — everything you’ve come to expect from HotPinkGeek and more!

Without further ado, here’s today’s list: Websites where you can waste absurd amounts of time!

Now, I’ve not spent a lot of time organizing them into rank – in my head or otherwise – so I want you to look at this list as one solid, flowing piece of crap artwork wherein you could randomly choose a link and be whisked away to a magical land of ridiculous/funny/mind-blowing and lose the better portion of your productive work day. I am to distract and amuse!
And… go! (Click here for HPG’s Top 25 of 2009: Websites where you can waste absurd amounts of time)

This video has been shooting around the internet like a Wanted bullet (you’ve got to curve the video), and it’s not like I don’t understand why. The rare but beautiful moments when someone drops their guard and lives their life in front of a camera are what the internet is all about. Because those are the people we make fun of. Look at this “ridiculous” woman! She is slightly older than the average YouTube commenter! She doesn’t seem to be ashamed of her body or her dancing like I am! In the middle of her vacation, she entered a dancing competition that normally you would expect only 22-year-old oversexed alcoholics-in-training to participate in! “Fuck this lady!” What does she think, she can just live her life and try to enjoy the little time she has on this Earth and there won’t be humiliating, misguided, and cruel repercussions?

We can do better, internet.

I’m not saying that I wouldn’t be right there in the front row at the Senor Frogs Dance Battle 2009 using my overpriced plastic cup of mango daiquiri to hide my face, which would be frozen in a rictus of disbelieving laughter at this woman’s seeming complete lack of self-awareness on the Hawaiian Tropic Bikini Breakdown 2009 dancestage, but the laughter would actually be at my own discomfort created by a culture that emphasizes mocking people who actually know how to live their lives without the constant societal pressure of worrying that a bunch of genuine morons might think you look silly. The day we hand over the judgment calls on what’s what to the hive mind of a Spring Break Bikini Bash 2009 is the day Skynet takes over. And you know how that turns out.

Heh. Awesome. It makes me want a hamster no matter how smelly and evil and mean they are — I mean, check out the sax player!

Mother flippin' triangles, man.

This fantastically aggravating yet supremely addictive little game is the brain child of one of my favourite websites — DigYourOwnGrave. If you haven’t been there, I strongly suggest you do. I know those boys, and if you don’t visit their site regularly and they will hunt you down… and you don’t want that. Jussayin’.

So, you like to play Audio Surf while relaxing with some Chamomile tea to your favourite Whitney Houston ballads? You might think this game is for you, but you’re wrong. But then again, I have a feeling you’re generally used to being wrong, Bodyguard watcher.

Vector Runner is not for the weak of heart – this game will stress you out. It puts you, the pilot, in a racer bombing down the coloured line highway at break-neck speed. And this ain’t your mother’s highway. This damn highway is covered in ominious, life-threatening triangles. And just when you think you’ve got a handle on dodging lame little triangles *BAM* — bigger, meaner triangles.

Use the left and right arrow keys to pilot your ship. Avoid the obstacles and collect the powerups for bonus points, shield recharging, and invincibility. Pressing ‘ENTER’ will pause the game, but it will also incur a 250 point penalty. Bastards!

The newest version of this game features stereo sound effects and a pretty kickass soundtrack courtesy of the band We Got This Far.

What are you waiting for? GO. You show those triangles who’s boss. Be sure to come crying to me when you lose repeatedly. It will console me greatly.

Vector Runner on DigYourOwnGrave